“The pursuit of what truly helps heal bereavement-related regret must be preceded by an intimate exploration of what that regret is and how it is experienced.”
— Allison Yang, MA Counselling Psychology
When it comes to the emotion of regret, understanding comes before personal healing. TWU researcher Allison Yang aims to help us figure out and overcome our feelings about the past.
“In practical terms, my study aims to provide deep understanding as a necessary prerequisite to understanding how we resolve regret,” she said.
Yang is one of three TWU 2021 recipients of CSG-M awards (her faculty supervisor is Dr. Derrick Klaassen). Her research seeks to understand what it is like to experience regret of inaction in the context of bereavement.
“This research project is a manifestation of my hope for a deeper understanding of this experience of regret through an honest and earnest posturing toward it rather than away from it.”
‘I wish I had’ and bereavement-related regret
Yang explains that bereavement-related regret of inaction can happen when “the death of a loved one serves to highlight something you didn't do during the course of the relationship but now wish you had done.”
"Often this regret takes place in the final stages of the relationship before the loved one’s death, although both parties may be unaware of this," she said.
For example, Yang explains, choosing not to visit a family member during a work vacation period might not be a regrettable inaction in and of itself. However, finding out that the family member was tragically killed in a car accident a few weeks later would almost certainly cause regret because you had the clear, tangible opportunity to visit but chose to forgo it.
“Although the lack of visitation didn't have anything to do with the heartbreaking outcome of the accident, one would imagine that the news of the relative’s death would highlight the missed opportunity to visit,” she said.
“There is often an unmet need in the places we feel stuck. ...I think it will be really interesting to have participants move between and speak from their past ‘I can’ and their present ‘I cannot’ selves to see what emerges.”
‘I can’ of the past versus the ‘I cannot’ of the present
Yang shares that she is fascinated with the phenomenon of regret. “It has seemingly contradictory parts,” she says, in considering regret’s emotion and experience. “But the tension of these parts actually adds something of meaning and significance.”
Yang describes the two opposing inner voices of regret: the "I can" of the past and the "I cannot" of the present.
“Your past self had the ability to do things differently, whereas your present self is not able to go back and change anything,” she noted. “Yet it is precisely the interaction between these two parts that contributes to the experience of regret.”
Recovering from the past
Healing begins with understanding, as Yang says, “The pursuit of what truly helps heal bereavement-related regret must be preceded by an intimate exploration of what that regret is and how it is experienced.”
Yang believes that her research can provide foundations for designing clinical measures for assessing bereavement-related regret, as well as for tracking the long-term nature of regrets of inaction in bereaved individuals. She hopes this can aid clinicians in treating complicated grief symptomatology.
Facing ourselves with honesty
Like many people, Yang too has been personally affected by regret.
“On a personal level, I carried around a very specific regret regarding my relationship with my late grandfather for several years, a regret which only came to be after his death,” she said. “I didn't know how heavily this regret was weighing on me until I began talking about it with people in my life about a year ago.”
Although there is a temptation to try and forget about the regrettable things we've done, Yang has found that both in her clinical work and her personal life, “there is often an unmet need in the places we feel stuck.”
“This research project is a manifestation of my hope for a deeper understanding of this experience of regret through an honest and earnest posturing toward it rather than away from it.”
Helping clients interact with their past selves
Depending on how pandemic measures evolve, Yang hopes to conduct her study with participants in person.
Yang’s research method is called hermeneutic phenomenology. “My plan is to conduct in-depth interviews with participants who experience or have experienced bereavement-related regrets of inaction,” she says. “One part will be asking them questions about what that experience of regret is like and how it is for them, in order to try and capture the rich complexity of the essence of this kind of regret. Another part will be asking the participants to engage in a form of chair work called the two-chair technique.”
In therapy, chair work is a type of psycho-drama where the client moves between two chairs that represent different parts of themselves or different perspectives.
“I think it will be really interesting to have participants move between and speak from their past ‘I can’ and their present ‘I cannot’ selves to see what emerges.”
Yang explains that philosopher Patrick Eldridge theorizes that the "I could have" notion of regret emerges from this very interaction between the past "I can" and the present "I cannot."
As for outcomes, Yang anticipates that her research will contribute to the scientific knowledge on this specific, “yet all-too-common type of regret” in a way that “allows us to experience greater understanding, and perhaps even compassion, toward those living with this regret, which may include ourselves.”
She adds, “I would also hope that my creative method of chair work lets the participants’ experiences shine through while also allowing for my personal experiences as a researcher and fellow human to interact and form rich and full interpretations of this phenomenon.”
About Trinity Western University
Founded in 1962, Trinity Western University is Canada’s premier Christian liberal arts university dedicated to equipping students to establish meaningful connections between career, life, and the needs of the world. It is a fully accredited research institution offering liberal arts and sciences, as well as professional schools in business, nursing, education, human kinetics, graduate studies, and arts, media, and culture. It has four campuses and locations: Langley, Richmond-Lansdowne, Richmond-Minoru, and Ottawa. TWU emphasizes academic excellence, research, and student engagement in a vital faith community committed to forming leaders to have a transformational impact on culture. Learn more at www.twu.ca or follow us on Twitter @TrinityWestern, on Facebook and LinkedIn.
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